My Captain's Log

Navigating The Stormy Waters Of Fatherhood

Menu
  • About Me
  • About The Captain
  • Contact Me: Let’s Tell Your Story
  • Privacy Policy
  • Recent Posts
Menu

Standardized Tests for Parents

Posted on April 5, 2018April 5, 2018 by captaincreed

Standardized Tests for Parents?

We are approaching the second standardized testing session of the year for students. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if parents had to take a standardized test?

In honor of the approaching testing week the Captain has helped to develop the first ever standardized test for parents.  We shall call it the Daddy Aptitude Test Evaluation, or D.A.T.E. for short.  Moms, you can take it too, I just went with the dad acronym because I’m a dad – and the other acronym options didn’t work out as well.

At any rate, get your pencils ready.  Here we go:

1.  Draw, using the appropriate portions, the new food plate (formerly known as the food pyramid).  Extra credit for color coordinated pictures.

2.  What is the best way to get a child to nap?
A.  Run them on the treadmill.
B.  Read them a book.
C.  Buy sheep for them to count.
D.  Bribe them with candy.

3.  At what age is it still appropriate to spell things like “candy”, “ice cream”, and “pizza”?
A.  3
B.   4
C.   12
D.   Our parents still spell things, so there is not expiration date.

4.  Your child loses their favorite teddy bear.  What is the appropriate response?
A.  You should have left Santa one more cookie.
B.  Teddy Bear sleeps with the fishes.
C.  We will buy another one.
D.  Use a Jedi mind trick, “You never had a teddy bear.”

5.  The baby cries in the middle of the night.  Do you –
A.  Feign deep sleep, drool, and let your partner get the tot.
B.  Get the baby.  Change her diaper and hide it in your partner’s car.
C.  Roll over, shake your partner awake, and go back to sleep.
D. Change the baby and rock her back to sleep.

6.  In a five paragraph essay, explain how the wipe warmer is symbolic of parenthood.

7.  A toddler leaves the east side of room crawling at a rate of 5 feet per second.  A second toddler leaves the west side of the room walking at 2 feet per second.  Considering there is a pile of legos, a train, and a dog that licks people, where will the two toddlers meet?

8.  Compare and Contrast disposable diapers and cloth diapers.

Well, I think that is all for now.  Hopefully, you all passed.  If you didn’t, then know this – it is not the first time you won’t know all the answers.  That is the most humbling and freeing thing about being a parent.  You don’t always know the answers.  Despite all the books written about parenthood, none have been written about YOUR child (unless you have written it).  Take heart in knowing that you are not alone.

The most important standard?  When you don’t know the answer, or when you do get it wrong, don’t quit.  Chances are, others have also made the same mistake, or sought the same answer.  Don’t be afraid to ask.

What question(s) would you add to our test? Leave your questions in the comments below.

Here’s to learning.  Remember, we are all in permanent Beta Testing, so there’s no shame in your “score”. Whether you are a standard deviation above or below the median score, the truth is there is always more to learn.

A version of this post originally appeared on lifeofdad.com. You should check out that site. I am a proud member of the LoD community. 

Captain…out!

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Do you “Like” The Captain?

Do you “Like” The Captain?

My audition for the new Most Interesting Man in the World. Actually, it's just me sitting by the fire waiting for the power to come back.

A photo posted by Creed (@captain_creed) on Apr 4, 2016 at 11:47am PDT

Recent Posts

  • Space Jam – A New Legacy
  • Quiet But Not Absent
  • 5 Ways Comics Improve Reading

Archives

  • July 2021
  • March 2021
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • December 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011

Meta

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org
I'm speaking at Dad 2.0 summit!
© 2022 My Captain's Log | Powered by Minimalist Blog WordPress Theme