My Captain's Log

Navigating The Stormy Waters Of Fatherhood

Menu
  • About Me
  • About The Captain
  • Contact The Captain
  • Privacy Policy
  • Recent Posts
Menu

Why I may be destined to fail as a father…

Posted on April 8, 2012 by captaincreed

Captain’s Log.  Daddy Chronicles.  Diaper Date 1669B.  So I have done some thinking.  I may be destined to fail as a father.  No, I don’t dislike my kids.  No, I haven’t put them in harms way nor do I intend to.

I have just had bad role models.

I’m not talking about my father, or my grandfather, or any of my uncles – they have all been good role models.  I am talking about a different influence.  The television.  The Captain has enjoyed his fair share of television and has noticed some of the characteristics of the fathers are not always the most commendable.

Here are a few examples:

1.  Cliff Huxtable, The Cosby Show — Certainly Cliff is a family man.  He adores his children, his wife, his job.  You can’t go wrong there.  The fashion?  That is where Cliff has led me astray.  Who doesn’t know the Cosby sweater?  Hopefully, my fashion sense will not embarrass my children when they are old enough to care.   Also, he taught me how to make the bacoburgerdog – thus ruining my arteries for years to come.

2.  Homer Simpson, The Simpsons – Do I really need to say much here?  Not exactly father of the year material.  Homer has the attention span of a gnat, the intelligence of a donut, and the grace of a bull in a fine china shop. The good thing about Homer is that he has set the bar low.

3.  Jack Bauer, 24.  Jack taught me a lot of things – all of which could land me in prison.  His influence would have me “interrogating” all boys who came to date The Eldest.  Somehow I think torture is frowned upon when fully vetting young suitors for one’s daughter.  On the plus side,  I could constantly ask Chloe to download specs to my PDA.

4.  Victor Newman, Young and the Restless- (You know you are humming the opening tune.  It will be stuck in your head all day.  You are welcome.)  Although this “Victor-ious” New Man made his way from the orphanage in Buffalo, New York all the way to one of the wealthiest tycoons in Genoa City, he is a cold hearted ruthless man.  And he speaks in a monotone.  He has hired and fired his own children.  Disowned his children.  The list goes on. 

5.  Al Bundy, Married With Children- I don’t think this one needs an explanation.  Does it?

6.  Fred Flintstone, The Flintstones – Yeah, he is a hard worker.  While it is not easy bringing home the brontosaurus, what does Fred do in the house but raise havoc?  Seriously.  He hollers at Wilma, gets kicked out the house, and sets Barney up to do his dirty work.  Plus he is not a great role model for driving…

7.  Phil Dunphy, Modern Family – In reality, I am probably a crazy mix between Cliff Huxtable and Phil Dunphy.  I laugh when I watch Modern Family because I think I am supposed to, but I times I feel for Phil.  I understand his plight, adore his puns (never thought I would say that about another dad), and equal his might as a handyman (I wouldn’t fix that step either).  Cam gets an honorable mention here (it is the random singing/performing which I do), but clearly Phil is the worst influence for me.

8.  Godzilla, Godzilla – Ummm.  While he does eventually help his son breathe fire, Godzilla destroys cities – not a good role model for anger management.

9. Fred G. Sanford, Sanford and Son – And the G stands for Gregarious.  Mr. Sanford may have been my grandfather.  They had the same laugh, strut, and affinity for someone else’s junk.  However, Fred always solved problems with his drawer full of reading glasses, pinto beans, and fake heart attacks.  Again, not a good role model.

10.  Darth Vader, Star Wars – He cut off his own son’s hand, destroyed an entire world, killed countless innocent imperial officers, not to mention the younglings before he became “more machine than man”, and Obi-Wan Kenobi.  He did turn good at the end, but he is not a good role model.

So these are the ten fathers that may contribute to my ultimate failure.  Their voices and influence ring in my head from time to time: kind of like the angel Tom and devil Tom that sit on his shoulders and urge him to chase Jerry or leave the poor mouse alone.  Imagine say 50 years from now and a boy comes to take The Eldest out on her first date.  Here is what might occur in my head:

Boy:  Mr. Captain, I’m here to take out your daughter.

Phil:  You are a young strapping lad.  You remind me of me.

Fred Sanford:  How about 5 across yo lips?!? (laugh track)

Jack:  I know these type of men, Captain, whatever you do don’t let him in the door.  You need to get answers from him.  You might have to get your hands dirty, but it is the interest of your home security.

Homer: Doh!

Cliff:  Young man.  I didn’t bring you in this world, but I can take you out!

Vader:  Don’t make me destroy you.

Victor:  I’m Victor Newman.  I do as I d%$# well please.  I always have and I always will.

Godzilla:  (Godzilla Scream) HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEUGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.  (Breathes fire and smashes boy’s car.)

Al:  No one takes out your daughter.  No one.  Tell him you played high school football.

Fred Flintstone:  That does it!  WILMA!

Boy:  I promise to have her back by 9.

Jack:  Chloe, send me the coordinates of their route for this date to my PDA.  I am attaching a GPS locator to the boy and his car.  Send that signal to my PDA too.   I need a visual at all times of this car.  License plate number…

Cliff:  Is that Central or Eastern Standard Time?

Phil:  You guys are young kids.  I remember those days.  So young and full of excitement.  We should have coffee some time and hangout.

Fred Sanford:  It’s the big one.  Elizabeth, I’m coming to join you honey!

Captain:…

I don’t think I could handle that situation with all those possibilities running through my head.  And that’s just one example.  The moral of the post is that you have to choose your role models carefully.  Ya big dummy.

Who is your favorite, or least favorite t.v. dad?  Leave a comment.

Captain Out.

If you enjoyed this post, or any others, please share the Captain with a friend or friends!

Vote for the Captain on Babble (The Captain REALLY needs your votes…lol. Don’t forget to nominate other good daddy blogs!)

Check out the Captain on Life of Dad

Like the Captain on Facebook

Follow the Captain on The Twitter @acjlist

2 thoughts on “Why I may be destined to fail as a father…”

  1. geregam says:
    April 9, 2012 at 11:30 am

    I do not have to deal with the complex issue that gets wrapped up in “I’m here to date your daughter.” That said, my concern is more along the lines of preparing my boys to show up at your door (or the door of any other father blessed with a daughter) and, more importantly, to teach them to respect women, particularly those they may be dating.

    So, looking at your T.V./Movie fathers from that perspective:

    Cliff Huxtable: Theo seems like a stand up boy. However, he grew up in a house dominated by women, so he learned to respect them at an early age or face the consequences..

    Homer Simpson: Would you want Bart to show up at your doorstep?

    Darth Vader: Luke chose the right path, but got his hand cut off in the process.. Not sure corporal punishment is the way to go.

    Jack Bauer: Has no sons, but if he did, I’m pretty sure they’d be able to break necks by age 8. Again, not sure I need a warrior prince, although it would be fairly badass.

    Al Bundy: Again.. Bud Bundy showing up to your house?

    Fred Flintstone: No boys.. Barney had Bam Bam, who, really just seems like a meat head, but I could be wrong. I would think Bam Bam would grow up to be Ogre in Revenge of the Nerds.

    As for your others, well, I cannot speak to them because I don’t really watch those shows. My current favorite show is NCIS, and no one on that show is really a parental role model in any fashion.

    Reply
    1. poopdeckcapt says:
      April 9, 2012 at 7:43 pm

      This is perfect! Love this comment.

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Do you “Like” The Captain?

Do you “Like” The Captain?

My audition for the new Most Interesting Man in the World. Actually, it's just me sitting by the fire waiting for the power to come back.

A photo posted by Creed (@captain_creed) on Apr 4, 2016 at 11:47am PDT

Recent Posts

  • 5 Ways Comics Improve Reading
  • Star Wars Day – 9 Ways to Celebrate
  • Watch Goblet of Fire with Me

Archives

  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • December 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011

Meta

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org
I'm speaking at Dad 2.0 summit!
© 2020 My Captain's Log | Powered by Minimalist Blog WordPress Theme